Why Sex Could Hurt for Men

Pain during sex happens to both males and females, regardless of gender identity. Although painful sex is often associated with females, sex can also hurt for males because of issues such as sexually transmitted infections, foreskin problems, and being allergic to chemicals in birth control methods (such as latex condoms). When sex hurts, it can cause anxiety and affect sexual pleasure.

This article explores some common reasons why sex could hurt for males. It also offers guidance for when to seek medical care.

Tense couple in a bedroom
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A Note on Gender and Sex Terminology

Verywell Health acknowledges that sex and gender are related concepts, but they are not the same.

  • Sex refers to biology: chromosomal makeup, hormones, and anatomy. People are most often assigned male or female at birth based on their external anatomy; some people do not fit into that sex binary and are intersex.
  • Gender describes a person's internal sense of self as a woman, man, nonbinary person, or another gender, and the associated social and cultural ideas about the roles, behaviors, expressions, and characteristics.

Research studies sometimes don't use the terminology in this way. Terms that describe gender (“woman,” “man”) may be used when terms for sex (“female,” “male”) are more appropriate. To reflect our sources accurately, this article uses terms like "female," "male," "woman," and "man" as the sources use them.

Why Does Sex Hurt for Males?

Some of the reasons sexual intercourse can hurt for men include:

Sexually Transmitted Infections

Some sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can cause pain during sex. Infections such as herpes and gonorrhea can cause burning and itching if left untreated. They can also cause sores, bumps, or blisters on the penis or anus.

If you think you may have been exposed to an STI, visit your healthcare provider or a clinic to get tested.

The sooner you know if you're infected, the sooner you can get treatment. Early treatment can limit or prevent some effects of these infections.

Foreskin Problems

Uncircumcised men can develop tight foreskin, or phimosis. When you pull back the foreskin, or when your penis is erect, it can tear, bleed, get inflamed, or be painful.

This problem can usually be treated with an ointment. In some cases, adult circumcision can resolve the problem. Talk to your healthcare provider about your options.

Why Does Sex Hurt for Females?

In general, women are more prone to experience painful sex than men. Here are some of the reasons sex can hurt for females:

Curved Penis

Normal penises vary in length, girth, and shape from one person to the next. Sometimes, a curved penis can cause painful erections or make sex difficult.

Some penises curve because of conditions like hypospadias. That's where the urethra opens away from the tip of the penis.

In some cases, a curve can develop over time. One cause of this is Peyronie's disease, which results in scar tissue forming in the penis. Scars from previous traumas or infections can make sex painful, too.

Lesions and Growths

Sometimes a growth on the penis is what's causing the pain. Some cancers cause growths. Cysts and lesions can also form on the penis or in the ducts and tubes that carry sperm.

If your prostate is enlarged, you may have pain when you ejaculate. It's also possible that an infected pocket called an abscess can form on the penis.

Any of these growths can cause pain when you're having sex or ejaculating.

Priapism

Most of the time, erections go away after sex. However, sometimes a non-sexual erection lasts much longer than it normally would. This condition is called priapism, and it is often painful.

An Allergy

Some men have an allergic reaction to vaginal fluids or the chemicals in birth control methods. A medical professional can help you find out if you're allergic to latex condoms or another substance.

Hypersensitivity

The penis can become very sensitive after orgasm and ejaculation. If you keep having sex after that point, it may be painful. This may mean you need to limit how many times you have sex with your partner on a given day or find other ways to experience pleasure together.

A rare condition called pudendal neuralgia affects a nerve in the pelvic region and may cause pain during sex as well.

Medications

Some antidepressants and muscle relaxers can cause pain when you ejaculate. It's important to talk to your healthcare provider if you think a medication may be causing this kind of pain.

However, you should not stop taking your medication without discussing it with your healthcare provider first, because serious health problems can arise if you do.

Skin Disorders

Some skin conditions can lead to painful sex. These include:

Other Causes of Painful Sex

Other possible reasons that a man or woman might find sex painful include:

  • Sex positions: Some sexual positions are more uncomfortable than others. This can be due to a variety of reasons, including someone's overall health, weight, and flexibility. Some health conditions, such as back pain, can also make some positions painful. Work with your partner on finding the positions that are most comfortable for you. There are also other ways to enjoy sex that don't involve intercourse.
  • Lack of lubrication: Vaginal dryness can cause pain for a woman during sexual intercourse. This can also affect men and women during anal sex. Using a lubricant designed to be used during sex can help with this.
  • Delayed ejaculation: People with this condition may take up to 30 minutes to ejaculate. Pain is another possible symptom. Delayed ejaculation can be caused by nervous system problems, certain medications, or other medical conditions such as hypothyroidism.  
  • Epididymal hypertension (blue balls): If you become aroused but don't have an orgasm, you may experience an aching sensation in your teticles. 
  • Losing your virginity: Having sexual intercourse for the first time can be painful for women. Women are born with a hymen, thin, fleshy tissue that stretches across part of the opening of your vagina. When this tissue is penetrated, it may cause pain or bleeding. Men typically do not experience pain when they have sex for the first time.
  • Postorgasmic illness syndrome: Postorgasmic illness syndrome (POIS) is a rare condition in which a person develops flu-like and allergy symptoms after orgasm. It is much more common in men than in women. Symptoms typically develop shortly after orgasm and can last for up to seven days before going away. It is not known what causes POIS.

When to See Your Healthcare Provider

It is important to see a healthcare provider if you are experiencing pain during sex so it can be treated as soon as possible.

It's important to see a healthcare professional you can talk to. The right diagnosis and treatment can improve your health and your sex life.

Summary

Pain during sex can be a sign that you have an STI, a skin disorder, an allergy, or another health condition. It could also be that the shape of your penis, a medication, a long-lasting erection, or post-orgasm sensitivity could be the reason.

Some conditions that cause this kind of pain can be serious. It's vital that you seek medical care when sex hurts so that you can protect your own health and your partner's.

10 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Urology Care Foundation. What are sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or diseases (STDs)?

  2. National Health Service. Tight foreskin (phimosis and paraphimosis).

  3. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. When sex is painful.

  4. Waqar M, Omar K, Moubasher A, Brunckhorst O, Ahmed K. Painful ejaculation: An ignored symptomCureus. 2020;12(10):e11253. doi:10.7759/cureus.11253

  5. Muneer A, Alnajjar HM, Ralph D. Recent advances in the management of priapismF1000Res. 2018;7:37. doi:10.12688/f1000research.12828.1

  6. Marfatia YS, Patel D, Menon DS, Naswa S. Genital contact allergy: A diagnosis missed. Indian J Sex Transm Dis AIDS. 2016;37(1):1-6.

  7. Turley KR, Rowland DL. Evolving ideas about the male refractory period. BJU Int. 2013;112(4):442-52. doi:10.1111/bju.12011

  8. Genetic and Rare Diseases Information Center. Pudendal Neuralgia.

  9. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Vulvovaginal health.

  10. NIH. Genetic and Rare Diseases Information Center. Postorgasmic illness syndrome.

By Jerry Kennard
 Jerry Kennard, PhD, is a psychologist and associate fellow of the British Psychological Society.