Self confidence requires a positive self-image. Self-image is a kind of
mental picture we all have about ourselves. One way to think about
self-image is in terms of what is 'real' and what is 'ideal'. Many people
have goals to move their 'real' self as close to their 'ideal' self as
they can. For example, the 'real' you stumbles over your words when you
meet the boss, whereas the 'ideal' you is cool, confident and
articulate.
Problems can occur when people strive too hard to fit with their ideal
view of self-image and this can mean they underplay their actual
characteristics. The nice guy then finds it hard to reprimand people
when they under-perform and the strict guy maybe fails to listen
to others and reward opinions different to their own. It can also lead
to stress as the person is consciously and with some effort playing out
a role.
A person's self-image may be far from accurate. For example, your
father may have set very high standards for you to become a professional
sportsman. For whatever reason you didn't achieve the standard and this
leads you to believe you are bad at sports, despite the fact you are
actually pretty good. One poor experience can even spread to other areas of
your life so you start to believe you are poor at most things.
Ways to Boost Self-Confidence
Self-image is the mental picture you have of yourself. It is not
fixed, it is not objective, it can be changed and you can change it.
Positive thinking is important but the way you behave is important
too. Your self-image will feed off the way you behave and will affect
others too. Actors know that if they have to play a sad role they
quickly start to feel sad themselves. Similarly, if you speak in a measured
slow tone your authority increases to those around you and you actually
start to feel it in yourself.
Changing behavior is often easier than changing thinking. The brain
does not deal well in turning around negative thinking. For example,
the moment you think, 'I must not be nervous' is the moment you will
actually start feeling more nervous. Focusing on behavior when you are
nervous, such as breathing deeply and slowly and relaxing neck and shoulder
muscles, will do a great deal more than ruminating on your
anxiety.
Breaking up big goals or tasks into smaller and more manageable
chunks can help. If you have been set a task that seems impossible, take
it apart and even drill it down to hourly steps. As you achieve each
step your confidence will grow and you will also achieve a sense of
mastery over the issue.
For some people lack of confidence arises through having too little
to do. Boredom and lack of confidence are associated. In such cases it
is important to boost energy levels by setting some goals for yourself
but allowing them to be flexible enough to react to circumstances. If
goals are too rigid the first set-back will knock you off track, so
build this into your planning.
